Post Trip

I'm currently on a plane on my way back from Boston. Got to see my buddy Eman for his birthday, which was awesome. We pretty much laughed and played video games the entire trip. It was great, but I get the impression he's getting tired. Not like the lack of rest tired, but like the "tired of life being the way it is" kind of tired. It's kind of sad/disheartening to witness. I feel a gap growing between us that wasn't there before. I think he wants a serious change of venue in his life. So, slightly bittersweet note to the trip. Wish I could do more to make him happy, he's my boy. Keeping my eyes/mind open hoping for inspiration. Overall, still a great trip though. I'm exhausted.

I fell asleep almost immediately on the plane, I didn't even buckle my seatbelt, I woke up to them telling us we could take them off. But I'd literally been dreaming of life with a traveling Cirque show. This may sound like exaggeration, but I assure you it's not. My dreams are pretty literal. It's funny the pieces that stand out in my memory, because they weren't visions about being on stage night after night, they were things like sitting at airports and train stations with a bunch of fellow bohemians, busking just to have an excuse to perform and entertain people. The experience of traveling the world with people like me would be a dream come true - a real bohemian life.

The process of filming my audition videos (hairy though it may have been) combined with my recent airport experiences, plus my dreams for the future have led me to consider another wing of this project. If I get the gig, I want to film a documentary about a year in the life of the show. I think that would be a blast, and give me the experience in filming/editing I've been looking for on some of my other projects. This does not seem like a financially challenging project to undertake, as all it will require is a serious laptop (which I'd be bringing anyway), a decent camera (which thanks to the recent advent of 3D filming will have dropped significantly in price), and enough storage space for the video itself. This will not be too expensive a proposition. External hard drives are pretty travel friendly at this point, and not nearly as expensive as they were once upon a time, not to mention SD cards' portability/cheapness. I may have to upgrade my backpack situation though if I'm going to need to carry more hardware/data/connectors around with me (I already carry enough wires to link up with MIR if I had to). Still, no real impediments there.

Ok, so it's feasible. But why do I want to do it? There are several reasons. One is that I'll be very separated from my friends and family if I end up on a traveling Cirque show. They're already used to me being pretty nomadic, but I don't appear to be very good at informing people of what happens in my life over the years. If I had a nickel for every time someone has been like, "When did you live in Chicago?" or the rough equivalent, I'd not be hurting for money. It'd be nice to have something to show them, something that may do a better job of translating the appeal of a nomadic bohemian life than I've ever done trying to describe it. Another reason is that my own memory for experiences is not so great. I'm very pleased that I tend to live in the moment, but that doesn't mean I wish to forget my entire life... and I do have a tendency to lose track of six months here or there. Finally, I really do love to tell stories, and I think this would be a good one to tell. Film is an art form I desperately love, and know nothing about. This would be a good opportunity to stretch out and capture a story worth telling. I have no idea what I'm doing technically, and I'd have no idea what was to come, or even what story I'd be telling until after the year was over. That probably sounds ridiculous to most people, but that's just about the right amount of chaos for me. I like to learn by just jumping in with both feet, and I think I'd like to work with film at some point in the future. That's all I need for incentive.

So I'll add another huge project onto the list of huge projects I'd like to take on. I know that this is all assuming I even GET a gig with Cirque. I don't deny that I'm a dreamer - I very much am. But I can think of worse ways to live a life. Recently I've been spending quite a bit of time just thinking about the life I wish for. People say you can make things happen in your life just by envisioning them. They call it "the law of attraction," or "the secret." I just think it has to do with keeping your eyes open. We all see what we think about. I think about a world of creators, of performers, of people who aren't afraid to put themselves out there to inspire others, to bring them to life. So when the opportunity arose for Cirque, I jumped on it. Now I'm doing whatever I can to work towards that piece of the puzzle, and if I get it, I'll be mentally prepared for whatever I can do with the opportunities I see there. I don't know if those "the secret/law of attraction" people are right, but I'm sure I'll find out one way or another.

So, in the interim, here I am, keeping the dream alive, envisioning the life I want to lead, the people I want to inspire and be inspired by, the world I want to inhabit, and invite others into. The things I wish to create, and share.

Whoever or whatever may be out there, please send me an audition request. Give me the opportunity. I'll keep visualizing/preparing for/dreaming of it until it comes.

Stay Positive -

The Fool